37 - To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This

Can you fall in love with anyone? Maybe yes: psychologist Arthur Aaron has developed a procedure that has been proven successful (The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 23, 363-377, Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R., & Bator, R.).

The procedure involves to sit face to face and answer a series of increasingly personal questions. Then you stare silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The most tantalizing detail of the study: Six months later, two participants were married!

The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. Dr. Arthur Aaron: “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.

The methodology is composed by 36 questions and a final task is staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes, with each part intended to be more probing than the previous one.

Disclaimer: of course, despite having shown to be very successful the procedure might not be successful with you.